Results again
There is a definite difference between rationally deciding upon something – whether it be an opinion or an action – and psychologically totally accepting it. I find it is when the latter occurs that something special has happened and yet telling others about such things is never quite the same. I may have been preaching an obvious opinion for years but then when I truly realise it it is an excitement that is very hard to get across to others. I don’t know if this happens to others but I imagine it does. The other day it was exam results day and I experienced one of these moments on the bus in. For a great deal of time I have railed against our exam-focussed culture and have claimed that what matters is the expansion of one’s mind through education as opposed to the completion of certifications of various forms. Exams have only ever been for me a challenge in getting certain grades as opposed to something that actually matters – or so I tell myself. In reality I have long been concerned. Posts on here show that. However, finally on the day of this round of results a few weeks back I finally realised that I no longer cared. Now that I have my university place and the knowledge that as long as I don’t do anything stupid I will meet the grade requirements for it, it is very easy to say this. But it really was a wonderful moment when I finally realised that the results meant nothing more to me than a gateway to this next advancement. And I thought it was worth writing about here. It is wonderful to know that I can truly enjoy the intellectual aspects of my subjects (aside from the intolerably dull Medical Physics) without being concerned hugely by exams, especially given the low percentages I need in the summer to get straight As. I do not mean to sound too comfortably secure here – the lack of enthusiasm I was able to show for friend’s results a few weeks back annoyed me. But I’d really like to think that were I not in this comfortable position regarding results, I would have eventually come round to this opinion regardless.